Recently a friend of mine wrote this post and caused me pause. The SNQ taking a breath is nearly the same as a silent, non-babbling brook; I won’t go into the unlikelihood of such a situation in either case. The TLDR is they would like to have a plan in place for a potential depression event. It made so much sense I just blinked at the screen for a solid thirty seconds before I could go on reading.
Needless to say, I’ve been considering the idea ever since. Why don’t I have a plan? Why haven’t I heard anyone encouraging something similar? We have Naloxone prescriptions for user’s families. We have Epi-pens for allergic reactions and Glucagon for diabetics. ER’s are prepped with tons of options for any number of emergency that might stumble through their doors. Why for the love of all that is lovely, cute, and handsomely tushed do we not have a plan in place for a depression episode?
Maybe we don’t all need or want the above and depression is not synonymous with ‘sad’ per se but it appealed to me as someone who can struggle with depression. It is a representation of what I’m talking about here. Some of my friends can feel a situation like this coming on. Some people have no clue when or why it happens. Others have no idea they are even depressed until after they’ve made it to the other side or are smack in the center. Something like a plan might not work for everyone, but I think it something we can and should try or at least begin to contemplate the answers we don’t yet have.
I read a comment by someone somewhere that has always stuck with me. Depression can make everything seem like it doesn’t matter. One way to fight back is having something to look forward to, even if its just a TV show, or a song, or a grilled cheese. In the same way, if we can spend a little time telling each other what we need, don’t need, signs, and tell tale signals, perhaps, just maybe, we can help each other out. It won’t be perfect, but even a small stumble in the right direction is better than the loss of more ground or the heat of a hand in our own. I want to know I’ve done everything I could on both sides of depression.
“When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.” ~Exodus 17:12
From the desk of the Sticky Note Queen 
Keeping for posterity… Empty messages from the future!!! *Insert twilight zone theme*
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Bahahahaha!
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(You and I have already talked about this a bit in person, but in case it’s useful to anyone else.) BEHOLD A WALL OF TEXT!
First, I think it absolutely needs to be something we talk about the same way we talk about the necessity of washing our hands and what to do in case of a fire and how to take care of cuts and scrapes. We have so many little things we teach as a matter of course, as a matter of practical precaution, but for a great variety of reasons, we (‘we’ here being the common bits of american culture across the beautifully motley cultural landscape) don’t even want to talk about mental health or emotional well-being on a large scale, we don’t acknowledge it until something goes terribly, horribly wrong, despite it being a part of us that needs minding and care just as much as the tangible bits of us. I wonder if we could be as conscious of how we’re thinking and feeling as we are aware of things like the aches in our bones, muscles, bellies, and sinuses; if we encouraged and supported emotional literacy, and allow room in the day-to-day for expressions of grief and joy and everything; if we could commonly have handy ways of caring like cerebral first aid– maybe it wouldn’t be as painful for those of use who find ourselves battling our own brains. It’d be nice.
On the matter of having a plan, these are things I’ve found helpful:
-Understanding and accepting that my best at any given moment will not always be my best at any other given moment. This has been super important in how I arrange care for myself (the things I expect to be able to do for myself). It helps me to remember this when I’m struggling and I KNOW I’m capable of doing better, of being better, but it’s just not where I am in that moment. Sometimes caring for myself is accepting that I’m not where I want to be, but it doesn’t mean I’m not doing my best still, and that’s okay.
-Taking little pleasures where I can get them. I refuse to feel pitiful for little things making me happy. If listening to Disney music or walking around with soft, cute plush toys, or wearing outrageous hats or jewelry pleases me, I’m more concerned with that than whatever might be considered mature or appropriate. These are my emotional bandaids, so I will not allow myself to worry about how it looks to other people if I absolutely don’t have to. Most of the time people don’t seem to notice, or they actively appreciate seeing something fun they didn’t expect to see in their day, which is nice.
-I keep bottles filled with water stashed around my usual places. That way wherever I settle, I don’t have to put a lot of effort into staying hydrated. SUPER IMPORTANT! This has a surprisingly (terrifyingly) large impact on what your brain is doing and how your body feels.
-I make sure my blankets and sweaters and cozy things are clean. There’s something especially demoralizing about realizing you can smell you, and you smell a little like farts, and then realizing you couldn’t even be bothered just to put things in a machine that DOES THE WASHING FOR YOU. Sometimes you don’t have the time to do this before a bad bout. I’ve asked friends if they’re doing laundry, can I toss my blanket or my jammies in with their stuff? I’m not in the way if they’re already washing things, and it’s something nice they can do for you, too. I’ll offer to chip in for detergent or whatever. It works out.
-I keep easy grab foods handy / avoid keeping junk in the house. A lot of times I don’t feel like eating or if I’m hungry, I can’t be bothered to cook or even wash and cut fruit or veggies. My go-to for a long time was a bag of chips or whatever sweets I had stashed around or I’d order pizza online and live on that for several days, but on a nearly empty stomach with a history of generally handling sugar or too much grease poorly, this was a terrible idea. Regular items in my fridge: a big bag of baby carrots, sliced lunch meats and cheeses, washed and separated lettuce leaves, cherry tomatoes, washed/cut fruit (I try to habitually prep some of this, but a lot of times I resort to buying the bags or boxes of this stuff, or I ask a friend if they’d mind cutting a watermelon or whatever if I pay for it.), hummus (easy protein), single serves of yogurt. Also, bread and cereal. A lot of times it means I’m standing in my kitchen eating a plain piece of lunch meat and popping a couple of tomatoes before going back to the couch, but it’s something. Also, this works out well when I have to take food with me to feed myself when I’m out and about in the world.
-The people around you want to help. The ones who stick around love you. You don’t have to understand how or why. Just take it as fact. They choose to exist in the same space as you, no matter for what reason. Take it. Just keep staring at the bald face fact that they are there. “why? do you feel obligated? do you feel sorry? i’m not worth this much trouble.” It doesn’t matter. It’s not kind to you or them to make the decision on your own whether or not they should love you, whether or not they should help you. You don’t have to understand it. It just is.
-Similarly, the people who choose not to be there– it will hurt, but it is what it is. Whatever is going on with them, your priority is you. Don’t waste time or energy on people who can’t or won’t. This doesn’t mean you HAVE to be angry. If you are angry, then that’s that. You’re entitled to feel how you do, but don’t waste any time or effort trying to do something about it unless you 100% believe it’s absolutely necessary and will have a positive impact on you.
-Take time to breathe. Is anything on fire? Is anyone in your immediate sphere actively dying? You are okay to take a minute. Take five minutes. Get a cup of tea. Walk to the bathroom, even if you don’t have to go. Just do something to break up whatever you’re doing.
-If you have a pulse, you have a chance to do / be / experience something different from where you are. Ride out the moment. Do what you have to do. You have a chance, no matter how improbable. It can be okay. Keep it in mind.
-You got this.
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Wow! Thank you!! This is exactly the sort of conversation I hope we can begin to have with each other! I’m so glad you took the time to share what works for you and encourage others to do the same. You bless me.
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I honestly don’t know that I would have put it all out there like that if you hadn’t specifically asked for conversation! And I could not tell you why, because it’s not like this isn’t something I feel strongly about! I love you, btw! Thank you for writing about this!
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Thank you for responding. I’m very proud to have friends who will walk with me in darker areas like this. We can shed a bit of light together.
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